The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
