we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
