It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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