You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
