dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize