I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
