Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
