if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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