Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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