Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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