I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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