I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
