my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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