Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
