Jerry, you need to find god
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize