I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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