I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There r osticjed everywhere
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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