Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
