You really coming over, don't trick.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
