idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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