For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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