it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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