There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
