I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
