So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
