so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
