Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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