I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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