Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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