My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize