No awkward lesbian experiences without me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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