I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
