Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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