I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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