U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
