just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Congratulations! We have a period
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize