let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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