i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
