did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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