On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
