apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
