READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
soo... how was my night?
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