My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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