i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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