There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
