I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
