I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
