I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
