it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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