I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
