So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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