her vagine was all disorganized.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
