well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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