party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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