I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So vagazzling was a success
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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