im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Drunk is not a location!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize