bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
