i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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