She's JV to your varsity
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
