today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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