You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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