i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
