It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I haven't been this sober since birth.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
