Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
