Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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