You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize