Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
