Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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