the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
